Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Re: Duce Use Cycle

I spend more time than I should looking at the search terms that lead people to this blog. It’s not like I’m trying to attract visitors to reap ad revenue. In fact, I usually feel queasy when more than 100 people visit my blog in a single day, as if I’ve done something really wrong and should probably take my last post down.

Fortunately, most of the people who come here from search engines spend a few seconds, figure they’ve been sorely mislead by Google and shuttle off elsewhere on the web. And all I'm left with is the string of letters that led them here. It seems a shame just to let them gather dust. I was bought up to believe that if you couldn't make a robot out of a toilet roll, the least you can do is recycle.

But what to do with these search terms. Sure, I've made the odd found poem from them (see here and here), but what about the questions I could never answer (“who frequents funerals for the thrill?”), or the sad, sad image searches (“empty office chair”). What about the what-the-heck-are-you-looking-for-and-how’d-you-get-sent-here ones (“my-itchy-dick-needs-rubbing”) or the searches for people that aren't me but I might one day steal their name and use it as a pseudonym (“sheldon cuff”).

Sometimes I feel like maybe I should be less of a disappointment to these people. Maybe I could actually give them something useful.

In order to get the blog GreenStar rated, I’ve decided to ‘give back’ and ‘recycle’ in one go. So, for those of you looking for a band name or an album title (and really, who isn't?), here are some suggestions that started life as search engine queries. 

For those in search of a band name

[the] bad selfies
body writing whore
soundwave cutie mark
ending for the marriage plot
[the] farewell names
bl4h bl4h bl4h
[the] scary building[s]
lillibutt's big adventure
"slender novels"
island of strange noise
[the] little blizzard[s]
leaky school funding band

For those in search of an album title

park like a douche day
Hamlet for children
nautical superstitions
overpopulation of seals
Carolina West tongue


Musical Interlude, or Dipping-toes-in-other-people's-pools Playlist


There’s one kind of search that brings people to this blog that might not end in total disappointment. There are a surprising/pleasing amount of people googling about poetry. The sad thing is there’s not enough online, or it’s so poorly filed, that the schmucks are pointed this way.

But in the continued spirit of (re)giving, here’s a found poem:

A poem for those in search of literature

poems about bursitis
10 greatest new zealand poems
top book to read
fun nz poems
dialogue of lord wilmore in the count of monte cristo
insults farts
short poems on intention
count of monte cristo red liquid
small poems on wildlife century
new zealand poem marriage
short poems for liars

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