Walking away from a hill of beans

My daughter’s favourite movie is Shrek 2.

She’s seen the first and third movies, and Shrek the Halls, but for her there’s only one Shrek.

(Parental disclaimer: She doesn’t watch TV normally, but she’s been sick a lot this winter year [day care], and sometimes you’re all just better off with a DVD on in the background.)

Lia is as likely to ask to watch ‘Ona’ (as in Princess Fiona) as she is ‘Shrek’ and when Fiona’s not on screen she’ll say/moan/shout ‘Ona, Ona, Ona’ until she appears.

When watching the first Shrek, she’s moaning half the movie before her kickass princess arrives.

(Thought experiment: What if the sequel to Shrek was called Fiona?)

Her absolute favourite moment in cinematic history is the half-minute snippet of Butterfly Boucher’s cover of “Changes” (with a cameo from Mr Bowie) during Shrek 2. It’s an insipid version. I tried playing her the original the other day but it left her cold. For her, Boucher’s the original and Bowie’s the pretender (kinda how I feel about Bowie’s version of Iggy Pop’s ‘China Girl’).

My daughter will sing “Ch-ch-ch-changes” at odd moments during the day.

I’m spreading Marmite on her toast: “Ch-ch-ch-changes”.

We’re walking down to the garage: “Ch-ch-ch-changes”.

We’re waiting for the bath to fill: “Ch-ch-ch-changes”.

And things are changing.

I’ve quit writing my column in the Dominion Post’s Your Weekend lift out. Tomorrow’s my last dispatch, four years since my first. 104 columns later, I feel like I never got better, never got being a columnist. The restrictions of the form (500 words a fortnight, submission 2 weeks before publication) were still restrictive. The challenge of juggling my other writing, my day job, my family — both in terms of finding time to do everything, but how and when to mine these other lives for the column — was still challenging.

I’m writing a longer thing about the frustrations and frustrations (no typo) of being a print-first columnist that should appear online in the next wee while… but big picture: I hope to free up four 5am-7am slots a fortnight for fiction. For writing books. Because that’s what I really want to be doing.

It’s been nice to be paid, regularly, for words, but I’m steadily moving up the ladder at work (the word ‘Manager’ features in my job title — “Ch-ch-ch-changes”) so the money isn’t as important.

Although... there’s another baby on the way — “Ch-ch-ch-changes” ­— and Marisa wants a bigger house — “Ch-ch-ch-changes” — and I’m not sure I can write another novel while working full time…

*

Two years ago I wrote about my time as I columnist to that point. Turns out that was the exact midpoint of my “career”.

That post included a list of what my 52 columns had covered. Well, here’s the second half:

53.   The bump list, fatherhood, Aliens

54.   Road rules, advertising, cultural amnesia

55.   Getting glasses, Cats Protection League, superpowers

56.   Sign language, grocery shopping, silence

57.   Palmerston North, guitar solos, the poet James Brown

58.   Antenatal classes, THE VIDEO, gingernuts

59.   Apocalypse, The Netherlands, televangelists

60.   Due dates, Tom Petty, house alarms

61.   A baby!, quinoa, yellow pohutukawa

62.   Chivalry, Louis L’Amour, Whangamomona

63.   Valentine’s day, Dwight Schrute, Walter Benjamin

64.   Supermarkets, flatting, the great wildebeest migration

65.   Landfills, Second Treasures, Richard Dean Anderson

66.   Flying, the parents room, dodged bullets

67.   Cycling, Wellington, cholesterol

68.   Obstacle courses, Lisa Carrington, Kronum

69.   Internet piracy, Pablo Honey, Spotify

70.   Haircuts, GrabOne, ‘Sexyback’

71.   Winter, fantasy football, sperm

72.   Golf, great uncles, hipflasks

73.   Smartphones, shouty TV shows, the capital of Myanmar

74.   Parenthood, sea fog, editing a novel

75.   Dentists, Norm Peterson, “sticktoitiveness”

76.   Whinging, Whittaker’s L&P Slab, couriers

77.   Father’s day, itineraries, Bulgarians

78.   Fashion, Iowa City, tie-dye

79.   Rodeo, praying cowboys, deep-fried oreos

80.   The Midwest, bathroom graffiti, extirpation

81.   New Orleans, Local Natives, Louis Armstrong

82.   Working parents, the Father of Rocket Science, Eugenics

83.   Halloween, pumpkin season, Matariki

84.   Washington DC, Independence Day, Toad the Wet Sprocket

85.   Professional wrestling, Shane Howarth, collecting quarters

86.   Compact living, the Keret House, tiny house porn

87.   Aging, the periodic table, Tim Duncan

88.   The man card, Russell Packer, kitset furniture

89.   Dieting parents, Tyler the Creator, toddlers

90.   Reality TV, Undercover Boss Uncovered, frankenbiting

91.   Subtlemobs, Kenny Loggins, community

92.   Hospitals, parenthood, Stoicitis

93.   Americans, black sheep, Antarctica

94.   Office moves, standing desks, A Dictionary of Lift Users

95.   Professional wrestling, community halls, The Ultimate Warrior

96.   Direct democracy, Aaron Gilmore, Switzerland

97.   My (early) thirties, baking, wives

98.   Football world cup, GDP per capita, Martin Devlin’s hair

99.   Day care, germ sponges, the social lives of toddlers

100.  Time travel, Back to the Future II, true believers

101.  Rodney Hide, afternoon tea, shoelaces

102.  Crap teachers, quitting, interpretive dance

103.  Weeds, holly leaved senecio, apocalypse

*spoiler alert*

104.  Macauley’s New Zealander, apocalypse, Clifton Carpark

 *

There's a bunch of things that I could have, and should have, written about over the last four years that I didn't because of the column. Maybe this blog will burst back into life. Maybe I'll just post Spotify playlists once a month and add a few hasty thoughts about books I've read. 

We shall see.

Until then, here's a playlist: